Being reminded of our limitations

 I have not been here for a while I must say, I was reading. Blog I left in my drafts a few years back that I did not finish and I was like huh, this would have been a great write. Anyways we are here now that was 2020 and now this is 2025, wow so much has happened over the past 5 years. Let’s see, I guess the biggest is that I got married, haha, I moved to another country for 1 year and experienced a whole different culture and living style WOW!

So we came back home for a few reasons, one being we really felt the calling of the Lord calling us back to serve in or home country. It was such a blessing coming back home, but it also came with heartache of the second reason we came back home. One month after I moved we received that my strong mother was diagnosed with early on stage Alzheimer’s. Now imagine receiving that news in a foreign land. That was painful! My biggest fear was that, what if I moved back one ay and she could not recognize me, that was my biggest fear. So those were some of the contributing factors for o moving back. 

Now being back has been so interesting, I mean when I arrived she was all smiles and shed some tears, but it was all so beautiful, nothing like what I imagined. 

So now here is the battle of being home, I get to see first hand what my sister was battling with. The doctors keep telling us that mom is not in a bad state, her forgetting has not gotten out of hand. But the human nature just can’t help being shattered by the fact that my mom, is not the woman I left a year ago. So I would call and we would have the same conversation twice or so, for her it is the first time. 

Now my struggle with all of this, I know God is sovereign, I know He has allowed me to go through this and He wants me to seek Him deeply during this time, but I am struggling. I am having a tough time sleeping, I am struggling to pray for her healing because my mind is not comprehending how have we gotten here. My husband has been such a blessing, he prays for our mom every night we go to bed. The reality is just that I am having a tough time. Reality and my faith is not coming together. It is almost like lol other areas of my life are still intact and believing in this God that we serve, but when it comes to my mom, there is just this detachment. It is almost like I do not understand how God is seeing this play out. Every night I go to bed in fear that a call will find me saying mom has gone, or the fear that she is not remembering anything at all now. 

This is where I currently am right now, this is my current life situation. I want to surrender it all to God, I want to put this heavy load I am carrying at his feet, but I do not think I know how. Please do not eat me wrong I know God has got me, and I know He has not forsaken me and I also now that He is able to heal my mother or also allow her to go through this full circle, either or I know there is nothing that separate me from this God of ours. Right now I am just facing what I a calling human limitations. We live in a fallen world that needs Jesus and we are to be reminded that all this that we go through is because of the fall. God is still God, God is still faithful, God is still God. 

Maybe I will come back and share with you how overcame this dark time, because one way or another I know the Lord will see me through. 

Let us hold fast to this Cross that we proclaim.

The verse I am standing on in this season: “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” Psalms‬ ‭20‬:‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It is a continuous Battle

I started writing this Blog about a week ago and I had a whole lot of lines going on but I stopped along the way because it was not  genuine nor was it from the heart.
I don't want to Blog about things that are not from the heart. I want to share about my struggles and I pray that someone will read it and be encouraged and will not be fall in the same pit as I once was in. 

God is loving, gracious and merciful God that we could never doubt. But in the same vein He is a god of order and because He loves us so much He also disciplines the ones He loves. Grace should in no way be an excuse for us to sin or live in sin.
When I say the battle continues is that the struggle is still going on. I don't want to live a life of disappointing God but day after day t he devil throws something so pretty at me and I just cant seem to resist. But the question that comes to mind is why on earth would the Devil want to give me such an amazing gift. 
He has come only to steal kill and destroy. It feels so good but I know the result will be my destruction..
I don't  want to let go but when I said yes to Christ I knew that it would cost me and this world has nothing to offer me..
There is NOBODY Greater that my Father.....

I am Pregnant

For days I have been thinking about this post. For days I have been thinking where and how do I start telling this story. Well here goes nothing.

I am pregnant. Sjoe yes I said it, I am 3 months pregnant and this thing that is growing in me has got to go. If i do not get rid of IT, IT will kill me. If I let IT grow to a full term i will do nothing but give birth to death, but if I do abort it I will live to see another day. So what do I do? I have known for the past months that I cant keep feeding IT, I need to starve it cos I cant let IT come to this earth IT will just kill me. Let me put it simpler I am pregnant with sin and if I leave it and let it grow to full growth I will give birth to death for the wages of sin is death.That is why I say I need to abort the sin in order for me to live again and start a new page. This thing is standing between my Father and I and it is killing from the inside out. People think I am fine, people look at me and assume all is well with me, but I am drowning. But today I made a choice to expose it. I made a choice to speak out and bring it to light. For as much as I am enjoying the sin it is really not worth hurting my creator and putting those who love me and constantly praying for me through pain. God id gracious he has revealed to me this sin that is growing in me and He has really been using different things and people and His word to convict me. I mean every Sunday He uses the same person to unconsciously to bring up the thing am struggling with and just talks about it over and over again 2 consecutive Sundays He has been dealing with me.
This I know for sure this thing has got to go. It cant stay. Even thou I sugar coat it I need to ask myself the question of why the HELL would the devil want  to give me such a beautiful gift. Daar is niks goes wat van devil kom nie (there is nothing good that comes from the devil).

That is my story.The struggle still continues and I have Faith that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion.
 

Well I am not much of a blogger or because I do not know what it means to be a blogger.If blogging means, I am to write as to how my day was and what I did during the day than I guess it is not my thing. I am the kind of person who writes down my thoughts and want to advice people and tell people my story. What I had to go through and what it is that makes me believe and stand in the position I currently am.

So today I want to talk about the women of EVE. The Ladies that came from the rib of ADAM. Today I was in the gym and as I was cycling there was a guy next to me on the next bike. As we were cycling we could see outside the window. A young beautiful lady walked by and she was wearing this awfully short jean short. The guy next to me said " Look at that, what type of a dress code is that, than you ladies say men rape you, while you look for it and provoke them with your dressing." I told him I totally agree with his statement.
It left me thinking the way we dress showing our thighs and half of our butt, our breasts all over the place. Is it because we want to show that we have well build bodies, or is it because we are seeking for attention we don't seem to know where we can find?
My answer is this, it is simply because we have not discovered who we are in our creator, who we are in Christ. The moment we realize our worth and that no man, no magazine, nothing on this earth can ever define who we are accept He that created us, than we are in great danger.
My baby girl you are beautiful just as you are, you don't need to show any thighs or any clivage to prove that you are beautiful. Not even make up could ever make you anymore beautiful than you already are. Know your worth in Him who created you. For you my baby are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Written with lots of love and from the bottom of the Heart by:

May-c Ngozu

HE is still seated on the THRONE

As I walk through life, I realized one thing regardless what I go through in life GOD is still g
the sane yesterday today and forevermore. As humans we make the mistake of firstly thinking of God as a human that He has got mood swings like we do, or that He changes as we do on a daily basis. WE need to realize one thing; The God we serve is an unchanging God He is a God of order, perfection and just God. He is the very same God who created Adam from dust and Eve from the rib of Adam, He is the same God who commanded Noah to build an Ark and saved them from being flooded, He is the very same God who parted the red sea and surely He is the very same God who rose Jesus from the dead after three days. Today I want to tell you that  He is the very same God who answered that payer you wouldn't stop praying day and night, He is also the very same God whom you thought left you all alone, but just when you were about to lose all hope you swooped in and saved the day and He is that same God that now when you are down in the valley and you cant seem to see the sun come out He is still God and HE is STILL seated on the THRONE. He promised He would never leave nor forsake you, He knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. So take heart God is in control He is gonna see you whatever you are going through.

The Pain is alot

I spend the night last night sitting and reading my fathers memorial and burial service program. At the back of the program there is a little passage written as though it was he himself reading it. In short it just says that God has called him by his name to be with Him, and it continues to say that when the sun rises your hearts will be looking for me but will not find me. For me every time I read that text am filed with nothing but hurt and tears. I cried wiped my tears and than cried some more. I think last night for me was one of those days where reality hit again I realized that for the next rest of my life my father is not going to be around. I mean he is never going to see me graduate to start of with, than he is never gonna interrogate the man I will say I do to one day, nor is he gonna give me away at my wedding. Than he is also never gonna have the opportunity to hold his grandchildren or even name them. For me this is a very bitter tablet to take in, but there is nothing as comforting as knowing that I  SERVE a LIVING GOD and HE has never left my side not for one bit. I mean I thought my Matrix farewell was going to be terrible but hey He saw me through it and I had an awesome night and I looked awesome :-).. I praise God for what ever comes my way I know He has got my back all the way Psalm 124......

My life

Growing up I was always the girl who always wanted to make sure everyone around me  was happy even if it meant it was at the expense of my own happiness. People have walked over me in life,they have used my kindness to their own ability. I am not complaining but all I am saying is I have let people take advantage of me. It's not easy saying no to people. But I have come to the point of its about me and God now. No magazine,no Hollywood or anyone will define who I am. I will only allow that 66love letter He wrote me to define me. I serve a loving and living God and He is true to His word. I am looking forward to sharing my thoughts and my experience.:-)